Bittersweet.
That would possibly be the best word to describe the past year. Unless a word like anarchyawesome existed. Or fuckedupcool. Or suckasssuperb.
It was not at all the year I expected. I wrote about the year before about a year ago today, and I imagined that 2014 was going to be much of the same. 7 daughters getting older. Me and my guy. My work with people. Our life.
Within a month of writing it the entire thing had imploded into something so….fuck I don’t even know the word…..maybe DIFFERENT….and if you asked me then what I thought of 2014 I would have told you IT WAS NOT MY FAVOURITE.
But now? Now I would say that what that preceded was nothing less than magnificent.
Last night at a New Year’s Eve party, where I was wild and fine and surrounded by some of the coolest and loving people I know who can all dance like crazy cats, my sister told me that her husband told her that the thing that was missing from me in that relationship (and the one before) was laughing. That in the end I stop laughing, and it goes on for a long time.
2014 has been full of laughing. Of freedom. Of something unfolding that I did not think was possible in all of that (and which in truth probably wasn’t). Of being smashed beyond any other kind of heartbreak and finding myself in the pieces. OK. Wild and fine. Funny. True. And a bit ridiculous. But beautiful.
And so the horrible bit made the sweet bit sweeter. All the things that I let the relationship distract me from doing at the end of my marriage I did this year. I am officially (by name) ME again. ON EVERY SINGLE document that I should be (except my passport, but the application is on my desk and will be lodged by next week). The foundation I thought I had (but didn’t) I built myself. I worked out a way to be the SOLE owner of my home, MYSELF. The woman I wanted to be I unearthed from the rubble and forgave her for getting buried. And loved her back to life. Those people (oh you people, MY PEOPLE) kept showing up for me through every stupid time the stupid horrible stuff got me. And new people (MY PEOPLE TOO) came in to our lives and those people started showing up for me too. And laugh. When you cry and your heart aches til you feel sick, laughter is like the elixir that strokes the sore bits. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at the stupid shit people do and say. Laugh at your kids. Laugh with your people. Laugh at our humanness and the total ridiculousness of it all. And dance like a crazy cat.
And so 2014 here’s to all the things we did (me and my girls four):
You don’t have to read them, it was more for me really…
Miss 5 learnt to ride her bike without training wheels.
I graduated as an NLP Practitioner.
Got dumped.
Declared a GAP YEAR on men.
Went to a Peppa Pig concert with Miss 5 and Miss 3 and our friends.
Rocked out the wedding dress party as the most freshly dumped bride wannabe.
Went from a week about mumma to a full time mumma again.
Saw Mama Kin at the Nukara Music festival and wondered if I’d ever be OK again.
Had knee surgery.
The girls did gymnastics and Nia dance and swimming lessons and synchronised swimming and netball and dance intensity workshops and playgroup, just to name a few.
Died my hair pink.
Went on holidays with my three youngest down to the southwest of WA and didn’t have to kick anyone out of the car once. Went to the Zoo and the Yallingup Maze and the caves and had Easter in the bush.
My biggest girl turned 18. I did it! She made it and she’s cool!
I got the house restumped and renovated 3 rooms.
I went to Perth to my friend’s 40th and it turned out to be their wedding celebration party!
I got a Thermomix. Made heaps of wicked stuff with it and a few gross things. Still love it.
I went to Melbourne and saw my nephew and beautifully pregnant little sister, and handsome little brother.
I got a new tattoo (to cover up an old lame one)
I rearranged my house more times than I can count. And again. And again.
My biggest girl got a new puppy who became my dog. And now we have 2 dogs.
I turned 40. I had an ugly jumper party and had so much fun I split my head open flipping the balustrade in my kitchen. No-one stopped me because they were too busy taking photos.
My new tiny nephew was born.
It was the year of 40ths! I went to lots and loved them ALL! Mostly I partied like an 18 year old with more severe hangovers.
We went to the beach and the park and the pool and our friends houses and ate their food and drank their cuppa’s and tried to return the favour (but the feeling I get is that maybe this year I ate more of other people’s food!)
Miss Moo turned 6. I’m not sure 6 is my favourite age.
We went to Kalbarri on family holiday and made up with it (there have been many things and places I have had to make up with this year, including making ‘bubble and squeak’ for breakfast which I did on Christmas day. I’m so ace and getting over things!)
Number 2 turned 11. 11 is a cool age.
I lost my drivers licence for 3 months. People drove me everywhere.
We got a temporary au pair and then a new au pair to bring a support system back into our family. Both have saved my ass. Thank you lovelies x
I went KL on a girls trip and made my first video blog. Classy.
We went to shows and festivals and markets and brought that much fresh juice and chia pudding (thank you new health craze!)
I brought a bikini. And wore it.
My baby girl turned 4. She’s just joy on a stick.
We did Halloween in style and Thanksgiving. I could still not go trick or treating for Halloween, but totally ate pumpkin pie.
I went to Melbourne and the Gold Coast and did some seriously fun work on my business, and ate so much amazing food and saw my sister and her babies and my biggest girl’s grandmother.
We dressed up and partied more times than I can count, and went on the Santa fun run and to school concerts and gym performances and playgroup graduations.
I treated my girls for nits about 50,000 times.
My biggest girl graduated with her NLP Practitioner, the first second generation to go through the course!!!
I went to the Abrolhos islands.
Miss 4 learnt to ride her bike without training wheel and how to swim without her vest. She’s pretty stoked with herself.
And had Christmas and Boxing day and it was fun, until the bit when my friend had to rescue from to much quiet family time.
Rocked NYE in gold, slut-mom style. And have still managed to honour GAP YEAR (so perhaps not as slutty as I like to say!). AM concerned Gap Year may turn into GAP decade, but we’ll worry about that if I’m still writing about it in 2017!
And that’s not even half of what I could say to give that year justice.
2014 thank you for EVERYTHING. I mean that.
It’s a bit like what my 6 year old just got quoted in the local paper saying. She was asked if she’s been naughty or nice this year. Her reply?
“A bit of both. A little bit naughty and a little bit nice”. 2014 was like that. With more nice.
