Sometimes the worst choices can teach the best lessons.
I had what could only be described as an au pair nightmare at the start of 2014.
After waxing lyrical about the beauty of having a live in nanny, the guy (who was definitely not my guy but had spent 4 years being my boyfriend) and our live in nanny decided to leave fairly simultaneously and start a life together. I know – I, on occasion, still get vomit in my throat. Dodged a bullet there. Well two bullets really.
Then, within two weeks, I had to make the really big call about taking my girls back full time. The how’s and why’s are irrelevant, but I will be honest and say that the clarity that came once my energy wasn’t taken up in the mess being created by the other people in our household, made me realize that my girls weren’t getting everything they need. And right then (and still now), I’m the one most capable of providing that. And I love them and want the best for them. And I was working as a coach (ironically a relationship and life coach, which felt a bit awkward too!), which I loved, but suddenly I went from 4 days/week working, to 5 full days per fortnight (early and late because the kids weren't here), to 3 days school hours only per week because someone has to drop off and pick up and take kids to after-school activities and cook dinner and keep the house in some kind of semblance of order. Crikey. To do list each day was starting with #1. BREATHE.
There are so many ways to get support, but the system that worked for me before was to have an au pair. And suddenly I didn’t know if I could EVER go there again.
I was scared. I was scared about having someone new in our home. I questioned my ability to choose worthy people (boyfriends and au pairs).
I told a Mum at school (while I was rushing in to pick up Miss 5 and Miss 10 and get to netball) one day the short version of the au pair nightmare (the long version got boring, and has received enough airplay and can’t be told to full effect whilst rushing school pick up) and then said “but I’m OK, I just feel a bit busy this week (like a peak hour freeway in the biggest city in the world busy), and I’ll just have to get a new one”. And she laughed and said “what a man or an au pair?”.
Once again, thank god for Gap Year. But if I’m honest I couldn't take a gap year from au pairs. By that stage of the four I’d had three quarters were THA BOMB. Sometimes the worst choices can teach the best lessons.
So – moving right along – I went down the path of finding our fifth au pair. And suddenly there was a time frame within which I could work, knowing that doing the best for my girls and our family required me to move right along. What was stopping me was not all the possibilities of what’s possible, but one past nightmare. Just one.
And she came and was incredible, and our sixth au pair came and she too was incredible.
So it seems when you support yourself with everything that is possible, suddenly you are just breathing anyway.
Create more time to live, love and grow