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Do you ever get the feeling there’s something you’re supposed to be doing?

Like there’s somewhere you’re supposed to be, or something you forgot?

It’s similar to that feeling when you’re going travelling internationally and although you’ve checked everything a few times, it’s possible your passport is not in there and you get in your bag and for about 3 seconds you can’t see it and your brain freaks out and your heart lurches and you imagine all the scenarios where you won’t get to go because you don’t have it, and then there it is. Smiling from behind your wallet. The feeling is like the 3 seconds, not the smiling.

I’ve been a busy lady. Pretty much my whole life. There have been studies and jobs and children (and if it got too simple I seemed to have another child) and learning and reading and things to do all the time. I suspect the busyness is about the searching. For the hope that the you’ll find the moment when that thing appears, or you realise you are doing the right thing or you suddenly know you’re not lost.

It’s just that the busyness does not work. It is not the answer. The answer will never be found in the multitude of things. The answer is only ever in the quiet. I suspect I hated meditation so much (sorry zen people but I really did) because the quiet seemed pointless, and just a place for the list-building busyness to really a handle on me. I wrote the best lists during relaxation after a yoga class. I could lie still and breathe calmly but inside I had worked out the menu plan for the coming week, covered off on my relationship, each of the children, the email I’d been meaning to write and remembered (again) the need to update my Will (this actually needs doing again, so I’m writing it in here as a reminder!!). All that yoga and then all that relaxing just meant that now I had an hour less to do al the things that needed doing.

Here’s the thing though. If you meditate you have more time. There. I said it. Don’t ask me how it works, but the more time I put into being still and quiet, the less the busyness eats me up. And it is eating you up. It’s been eating us all up. Like a piranha. So in the end there’s nothing left (except maybe bones, I’m not sure if piranhas eat bones). And then you get this feeling there’s something you forgot (and it’s not the Will), or there’s somewhere you’re supposed to be or something else you’re meant be doing but you can’t for the life of you remember.

Purpose is really just that. Remembering. It’s not complicated. Mostly you have to get still and quiet and allow yourself the space to remember and then, like a gentle breath it just wafts in. And you know it to be true in every part of your being and you know also that there’s nothing you have to do with that necessarily, but you could, and it’s likely if you’ve been a busy lady that you will. The energy for it is there, but it’s like the very last piece of the puzzle is under the couch, in the spot you can only see if you move it. And it’s heavy. And mostly it’s just easier to vacuum the parts you can see, and know you’ll get to it later.

The time is now. Anxiety is peaking everywhere. It’s your calling, calling. Trying to get heard but because you’ve not be still and quiet enough to listen it does this really debilitating things. Like making you so anxious you can’t do anything. Except feel really uncomfortable and start seeking a way out. And somehow, through the magic of a book or social media or a conversation God lets you know there’s a way. And you don’t even have to do it all on your own. Thank fuck for that, because trying to do it all on your own has gotten tiring. Exhausting. And kind of confusing.

It may seem that being a purpose coach I just want you to work with me. That I could promise you you’ll find your purpose and have a great business and go live happily ever after. That’s not really what I mean, even though I really do want you to work with me if I feel like the kind of person you could relate to and this resonates for you. Or mostly if you feel compelled. I’m into following the compulsive need to reach out. It has found me the best people, even before I knew I needed them. Purpose is not a thing. It’s a knowing. It’s like the truth in your being. It’s remembering who you are and what you are here for. And then it’s about working out what you want to do with that. Sometimes it just involves doing less and being more. Showing up fully in the life you already have. Sometimes it involves the compulsive/obsessive need to create something. I have a client who says regularly “I just can’t give it up”, and I love her for that, even though she regularly gets stuck and can’t work out exactly what she needs to do next. And then, the next thing arises and she didn’t ever need to give it up. She loves it. Her thing. She loves it like one of her children and she can’t not do it. That’s wound with purpose. Her version.

I can say it’s simple, and it truly is, but sometimes there are so many things in the way that stop us from remembering – busyness and responsibility and martyrdom and patterns of behaviours and belief systems and reasons and excuses – that the first step is simply to figure all those things out. One by one. Like a lot of getting punched in the face by the obvious. It’s like this massive surrender, and most of us prefer more than anything to hold on.

Trusting in magic is a big ask. But that’s the point. I think we could trust in something solid, but the full process of trust and faith is actually trusting in something that you can not see, and is not what you’ve been taught and is about as believable as a rainbow unicorn. But it’s the only thing that works. Apart from staying where you are and trying to forget, and trying to not notice you feel like you forgot something.

It’s time. The only possible reason you could be reading this is because it’s time. Are you with me?


Author Fleur

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