Purpose (noun): the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
Initially I chose purpose, so I wasn’t cast adrift. A foothold, a handle, a guiding light in a life that seemed (however misguided) to lack meaning. I chose purpose because it sounded like something real, and it sounded like something to do. And if I could align myself with that, then I’d be clear and always know what to do next.
Clarity was one thing I’d lacked, but not opportunity. So, the opportunities presented themselves, and off I went to do them. I didn’t lack drive, although what I was driven by was an unconscious force – a mixture of the desire to prove myself worthy, to meet the (assumed) expectation of others, and to be someone. I certainly didn’t realise that most people I encountered were less concerned with their expectations of me, and more consumed with their unconscious drivers – mostly they were just trying to be someone too.
What I wanted when I became a coach was to help people find purpose. To make sense of the way their lives had been, so they could create something new and more like what they hoped for. I wanted to help people feel better, and in the process feel purposeful. What I discovered was that people came for something else. I discovered that purpose wasn’t something to do (although there are many things we can do that feel purposeful), but that it was an energy that struck people mid-conversation like a pure beam of light. It made their eyes well with tears, and it made everything clear.
It seems what we imagine will be unaccepted is the most magical part.
It seems that to find the magic we have to go beneath the veneer.
And beneath the veneer is the reason we exist.
Here’s a story, written by Julia (and shared with her permission) from IncubateHER Flock 23.
I could not imagine when we began that this would be one of the stories. I have never been able to imagine any of them – and yet when the space, the time, the clarity and the love is provided they materialise. Beyond imagination.
So, my Asian friends say I am like an egg white on the outside but yellow in the middle and I am not sure why my story starts with this, but it does. Just like the long line of boyfriends I had through my teen and young adult years I liked to date men that were different, different looks, culture, beliefs, just clingy most of the time and I always felt suffocated and would inevitably cheat on them to make them break up with me so I could punish myself for not wanting what they wanted.
I did have one true love a boy who I would write long, long letters to and pop in the mail -very old school – and I would even decorate the envelopes. The postie must have had lots of laughs and he would write back great letters……..but we lived in different states and were never meant to be together but he helped form me, make me want a man in my life who made me shine and have fun….
So back to the egg so the egg for me is really what my life has felt like – meaning that the true self (my own self) has been hidden underneath this beige, non-committed, doesn’t stand for anything, falls for everything mush that blends into the scenery. It has been hidden for years because of necessity to survive bullying, to prevent unwanted invasion of my personal space by men and women, to be accepted or so I believed. However, that gorgeously silky rich yellow yolk has a lot more value and really lights up those around me when it is allowed to be seen.
I have an ability to shine a light into anyone’s darkness because the dark doesn’t scare me and I have done pretty much everything that society (well my perception of our society and culture) tells us we shouldn’t do…. well, I have done it and I used to be ashamed. Be ashamed that I didn’t fit, that I didn’t want what others wanted that I wanted to stand out in the crowd because I thought or did something different that I want it all. I want the life partner, but a sexy life partner who rocks my world in the bedroom, who covets my body and tells me I am sexy and gorgeous and strong. I want children who challenge me who grow up to be independent of me but still like having me around that can tell me they’re dark secrets knowing they will be unjudged. I want a career which grows others that leverages so that it touches more and more people the deeper it goes, I am greedy I want to impact on a large-scale people’s lives….
So now for that ever-elusive thing purpose….my life’s meaning…. why am I here…….
I am here to empower people to implement the strategies they need for change to achieve whatever their purpose, goal, need is…… I am just really good at finding solutions and strategies for people to whatever it is they want but it is always independent of me, no one needs me, I am but a conduit passing on the message. Because I listen, I will hear all that ills you, those dark things that you are ashamed of or fearful of and I will hear you and hear what your soul is trying to tell you and just simply tell you what I hear you say……you have all you need to be amazing, to heal, to get to your destination just sometimes you need someone to hear you without judgement, without investment, without ulterior motive.
The reality is the TRUTH is that the patchwork of events, trauma, feelings and people in your life so far have given you an unfair advantage over everyone else, you have hidden knowledge and hidden power you just need to tap into it and not be afraid.
So what form will this all take? Many.
YAY! Says my ADHD brain……
ARGH! Says my ASD brain……..
It seems what we imagine will be unaccepted is the most magical part.
It seems that to find the magic we have to go beneath the veneer.
And beneath the veneer is the reason we exist.
IncubateHER Flock 24 is set to unfold on Monday 21st March 2022. Each time I consider if I need to do another one, I am reminded why it exists. And none of that is about me.
If you feel called to find clarity in a world that is beyond confusing, to go beneath the surface and find the light, to take a hold of the life you are living and make it something magical, then reach out. I run the program when I get enough people – it’s a group program that forges connection and allows you the space for your own explorations. You’ll need some time, and some space but you’ll be fully supported with that. And we get to hang out heaps. 2022 could be a different kind of year.
More info here.
Talk to me here.
Much love,
Fleur x
Photo by Ann Savchenko on Unsplash
