Being overwhelmed is such a waste of time. I keep doing it and then I do it some more and then all the other things I need to be doing to get the overwhelming feeling of overwhelm off my plate don’t get done. I’ve been writing blogs in my head all week. This one, the one about “waiting for hypothetical guy”, something about (still) being a goddam motherworker which could probably be a whole new blog site in itself (and probably will be one day when I stop not writing it!).
Overwhelm makes me behave in a most underwhelming way. I want to procrastinate more, put off the “important thing” until tomorrow, and then tomorrow gets so full of important things I feel overwhelmed and put some more things off until the next tomorrow. I realised the other day that I have only very briefly not worked out of the home since I became a mother, and during all that time regardless of whether I had a partner or not I chose to take all of the financial responsibility and responsibility for the kids and their well-being. I’m very aware that some (read most) of this was created by me, and my love of what I got out of working and being in control of my life and being totally capable, but sometimes (truly) it would have been nice to know someone else had it all covered. And now I find myself, once again, in full responsibility of my finances, my children and their well being and my career and I’m totally pulling it off and I want to be all OFF the fact that at times it’s a bit overwhelming????
Right now the house is quiet, 3 kids are asleep (2 have been in bed since 6.30pm when family Uno night in front of the fire ended suddenly with a MASSIVE tantrum from Miss 5 because she had to pick up 12 when she’d just gotten Uno. That’s a bit mean I realise, and I will acknowledge it wasn’t my finest mothering moment to avoid having to pick up 8 by adding another “+4 wild card” to the pile so a five-year old had to pick up 12). Dinner (creamy potato and bacon soup) was cooked by 4.30pm. And I made homemade vegetable stock in the Thermomix this morning to flavour the soup. The kids, the cat, 2 dogs, 10 chooks, 2 fish and the Mumma are fed. One weeks’ worth of washing got folded today (I still have to do the final “hang it out in the dark” load, but I quite like it out there at night). My fabulous friend and I have spent most of the long weekend rearranging my house, so I can sit here and write my blog on a lounge in front of the pot belly fire. This did involve moving furniture in risky, and at times destructive, ways. We did that whilst 6 children ranging in ages from 2 to 11 played and played and ate (my friend brought lunch over which helped!) and played and attempted to mess up our house styling. I’ve arranged childcare for the upcoming seminar on the weekend. I have most of the queries answered for the accountant to finalise last years’ tax. I paid all the bills for myself and 2 businesses today. The dishes are done, the floor is swept, one out of three kids has had her hair nit-combed in the shower. I’ve done my weekly planning and sent SMS reminders to all my clients for the next 2 days, and written the 3 most important things to achieve each day this week in my diary. And now I’ve written a blog, even if it was just about the regular and usual events of my day.
I wonder what I thought I was meant to be getting done instead? I’m off to have a bubble bath, go me! Go us!