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We’re always running out of something. Or not having enough of it. Or losing it. Or using it all up. Money. Time. Energy. Love. I finally realised (in my 44th year of life) that they are all the same thing, and anytime there’s a lack there’s resistance going on. The energy of allowing is not happening and instead life is being met with the full force of trying too hard. Trying to make something happen or make it better or get more of it or not drown in the lack.

I work with many super capable women. Too capable in fact. So capable that they’ve got capability and reliability and responsibility so covered that there’s not one speck of allowing anyone else to pick up the slack. Plus, even if they could (those other people) they can’t, or they won’t (especially in times when it matters the most). So, the most reliable and the most capable and the most responsible one does everything.

Do you know her?

How’s it going?

Are you doing it with grace?

I love grace. The woman I am in grace is so soft and open and in flow – and just nails it. She’s not just the domestic goddess, but the goddess of all things. She’s funny, and light and stops to notice the sunshine on the palm leaves by the washing line. She cooks the best meals, and the banana bread always rises. She smiles even when her hands are full of dirty washing. There’s space in her schedule for lunch and time to talk and listen to 4000 words with someone she loves. She’s on time, sometimes even early, and there’s always plenty of time. When she’s in grace the kids just do their shit. Or she doesn’t care, and in the not caring they just get on with it.

Without grace I am graceless. Both my hands are scarred from burns created by cooking in anger. My thigh has had many a bruise from trying to move too fast out of the bedroom and in the next thing. I cannot shower without a child coming in to ask me something/complain about someone. The washing never ends. The Cinnabon dough doesn’t rise. He doesn’t stop to kiss me but rushes out (unconsciously) trying to get away. The rabbits aren’t fed and the dishwasher is always full. I’m late. For everything. There is never enough. Time. Money. Energy. Love.

There’s this ‘well’ I’ve discovered. An infinite resource of ALL and EVERYTHING you need. It’s only accessible in grace (it’s a woman thing, pure feminine power). And grace needs space. And space comes from loving yourself so hard that there’s room to breathe. And loving yourself hard, is much easier when you know what there is to love. When you remember who you are and what you’re about and what you believe in and how to be her more and often. If you want to tap in you’ll have to go quiet and listen. And to go quiet you cannot be busy. So the most responsible thing to do would be to BE more and not DO more (even though you’ve been tricking yourself for ages that the reason you do all these things that keep you busy is because you’re the responsible one).

And I can talk about it until the cows come home. But it’s not until you do something that everything changes.

What is it you need to do? Shhhhh, be still and listen. It’s right there x

Author Fleur

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