Thank god for Gap Year

So I think I’ve explained the Gap Year thing fairly well. Just obviously not to the animal psychic guy from Mullimbimby who was sitting next to me on the plane today.

Just for clarification purposes, let me just say that I am having a Gap Year. A year off. Men. Relationships. Sex. A whole year from February until February next year. That’s what a Gap Year is.

I’m using it to regroup, to create a solid foundation of my own with my family of four girls and me. Rejig our schedule. Love each other. Heal. Work out what I want in a relationship. Find forgiveness. Be open to love but prepared to make a choice about who the person is I want to share our lives with us. Just to focus on me and us. That’s about it.

So today I flew to Melbourne to see my sister and brother and their families before a working weekend. I had two flights, both of which were delayed and a bit of waiting around. The guy from my home town to Perth (1 hour flight) didn’t want to chat, which was cool, so I read my book, but the guy from Perth to Melbourne (4 hour flight) was all for it.

At first I was kind of excited because he seemed interested in my job as a life coach and although he told me how he communicated with animals pretty early on, I’m not freaked out by that. I personally am not animally psychic, but I am open to the fact that some people are and they can receive very powerful messages for humans from the animal species. If that’s what you are into.

We talked some more and then he asked if I had heard of Kombucha (well this is what I thought he said and as I know this is some kind of fermented drink I said yes, thinking we were moving into the realm of green smoothies and goji berries) and because I looked interested he went on to tell me about a 3 day workshop he went on recently which was all about releasing your sexual energy and inhibitions and involved a lot of nudity but was really about balancing your Kundalini energy and your chakras and so liberating. I was trying not to feel trapped by the plane window and 30,000 feet and 3.5 hours of remaining flight time as the conversation (read his monologue) proceeded through describing a breathing exercise wrapped around another nude person whilst clenching your pelvic floor and being able to be comfortable in front of room of clothed people while you stand up the front naked and describe your masturbation style. Seriously. I think there was also something in there about it likening your genitalia to various animals like wolves, sheep and maybe tigers but I was glazing over by then and praying that the nice people seated around us weren’t being traumatised like I was.

I’m not particularly prudish in my world, and I have shared some funny sexual stories with my close friends and work colleagues in the past. But all of a sudden I felt like perhaps I have a whole series of inhibitions. Like what is appropriate for first time conversation on the plane. And should you say masturbation in a conversation with someone you met 45 minutes ago in a public place? Obviously I have a whole lot of hang ups!

So I tried really hard to change the topic of conversation. To public speaker training, to my four children, to the fact that I’m not interested in discussing sex right now as I’m getting over a break up (I may have even teared up at this point, probably a good sign to any man to steer clear!) and I’m on a Gap Year. To which he queried does that mean from relationships or sex? To which I stated clearly EVERYTHING. And then I clearly stated I’m such a serial monogamist I can’t even do casual sex, nor do I want to and although I didn’t say out loud I would have thought my body language said nor do I want to be explaining this to you, right now, on a plane (or on a train, or in a boat or by the sea, I do not like it at all you see!!!!)

Luckily we got interrupted when our meals came, but then just as I forked in a mouthful of Nasi Goreng he said “So what’s your biggest sexual fantasy?”. I don’t know how I got through the meal, while trying to maintain chit chat and steer the conversation away from the obvious reply “having sex on a plane with a total stranger”.

After lunch I ran away to the toilet and when I got back he was off hunting down more dessert from the the stewardess so I put on a movie. And watched until we touched the Melbourne Tarmac. And perhaps I could have just thought that it was cool that I’m so liberated that someone would feel so comfortable to discuss all that with me on a plane, but as I got up to leave he said, and I quote “lucky you put a movie on, I was going to ask you to come to the toilet and join the Mile High Club with me”. True.

Thank god for Gap Year. I’m wondering if he thinks I would have actually done it?