As a business owner, and a mum/step-mum of 6 kids (5 who live with us full time currently) and a woman, I’ve been exploring the kind of support I currently need at home. I’ve been trying to justify my need for this by mentioning the 5 kids and their infinite social, sporting and health engagements, the limits to potential earning capacity of my business, and also the never ending-ness of the household tasks that primarily fall to me (in particular laundry, anything to do with food that is prepared at home, pets and general tidying up).
But here’s the thing. Can’t I just not want to do those things all the time? Do I really have to get better at communicating my needs to my husband (who is extremely hard-working in his business, and on board at home especially in mornings before school and weekends, and is prepared to listen and call family meetings and try to work with me with make our home and family work)? Do I have to find a system that challenges the patriarchy and work out how to get him (and me, and the rest of our household) on board? How much time, effort and energy would this take? To have a systemised house managed by two people who have other skills and careers? I’ve also been the patriarchy’s dream wife for about 20 years now, so there’s some serious inner work I need to do on this one.
Do I really have to attempt to get my children to do more at home? To me that’s like trying to inspire and manage a small (5 person) mostly incompetent (untrained and/or unskilled for the tasks) team of people who didn’t even apply for the role and have only a couple of shared values with the company, and who are in the age and stage where they think their ‘bosses’ are mortifying and crazy. I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT. I want that even less than doing all the laundry from collection to folded clean piles in the lounge room every fucking day. I think that trying to get them to be a team with us (and we have been giving it a good crack) has been more confidence shattering and soul-destroying than creating a coaching business that has been all about marketing myself (and I have major door-knocking hang-ups from being a Jehovah’s Witness as a kid, so putting myself out there on the internet was panic attack inducing). It’s stealing my energy more than any other task in my life. And I’m furious with them all the time for not doing their part ( and not caring about me even more) and in that I’m also trying to train the girls to be the patriarchy’s dream wife (clean your room, fold your clothes, come bake with me) and my stepson to constantly thank me for every meal I cook for him, and every piece of clean folded clothing he gathers from the lounge room every fucking day and all of them to be TERRIFIED of my response when they ask where their sport shirt is.
So, short story.
I’d like to find a household manager/personal assistant. To come to our home 3 times per week for 2 hours per day to do an enthusiastic and competent job of some tasks which include – laundry, light cleaning, meal prep, grocery shopping, arranging appointments for children and pets, assisting with said appointments, sorting/organising/filing, assisting with rental property paperwork and management, plus the potential for more tasks and hours depending on additional skills and gifts.
As a result of this my mental load will be reduced by buckets. I will be less furious with the kids and stop wasting energy on this ridiculous idea that they will be trained up before they leave home to know how to clean, cook and look after themselves. If they haven’t learnt from watching me or expressed a desire to bake with me, or for me show to them how come I’m so fucking awesome at the household stuff then they can work it out, in their own time, in their own house, in the way that suits them and their values. My job is not to make them like me. (Yes, both meanings of that sentence are true).
Fortunately, I have one adult and one nearly adult child who both have demonstrated to me that the way they kept their rooms prior to 16 is not an indicator of how they will turn out as humans or how they may keep their room after this. But even if their rooms were still awful now, I wouldn’t have to live with that, and I certainly never worry about it or feel like I may have failed at parenting. I’m pretty sure my Mum did everything for me (including, don’t forget, to take me doorknocking), and I must have learnt how to do it from her, but also if she didn’t (or I didn’t decide doing what she did was the way to do it) I would have had to figure it, and therefore I’d still know how to do it right?
Anyway. I’m justifying.
I don’t want to do it all anymore and I am privileged enough to be able to do something about this and use my time (and the income I create during that time) for all the things that are not the laundry, light cleaning, meal prep, grocery shopping, arranging appointments for children and pets, assisting with said appointments, sorting/organising/filing, assisting with rental property paperwork and management and whatever else it is I am doing when I could be writing.
Have you ever read my work before? The one thing I say constantly is, “I’m meant to be writing”. And now I will stop explaining why I haven’t been writing.
And also. Fuck the patriarchy (and if you feel compelled to defend men, please go find some literature on what I mean by the patriarchy). And also, today I have meal prepped and baked all day (and loved it) and will shortly go fold washing (I likely won’t love it, but I’ll watch a show while I do it and make the kids make their lunches and get ready for school tomorrow so no-one has to ask me where their school shirt is). It’s complicated right? There’s just so much more to explain….
Big loves xx
My program herSELF is a 4 week deep dive into remembering, uncovering, like being reborn. Knowing who you are is the foundation to everything else, so herSELF is about:
• Identity (who you really are, and who you’re not). The light. The shadow. The centre of being.
• Core beliefs and the way they shape our behaviour and our outcomes.
• The life-altering magic of boundaries
• What happens when you dedicate space and time to YOU. HER. SELF.
• Tapping into the incredible + infinite resource of your true self.
How do we do this? 4 x Weekly Trainings, Course content specific to the program, worksheets, video + audio. (Even after the 4 weeks you have access to Teachable for 12 months where the content and recorded training’s will be hosted). You can join now and when the next ‘live’ round is on also access 4 x weekly LIVE Q&A sessions, and Facebook Support group. All this for $999.00.
And for those who need additional support, there is an optional upgrade for some support.
The search for purpose is intricately entwined with the search for inner peace and to find peace you need to remember who you really are. Your identity. The wholeness and OKness of everything you truly are and not the masks or the pretence or the expectations or roles you play.
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