So I wrote a letter to God. And he wrote back. But this is not what this post is about.
This post is about how I was waiting for the right time to write about writing a letter to God, so I didn’t freak anybody out with my declarations about writing to God. And how I didn’t do that (the right time bit of that, not sure if I freaked anybody out, but that’s OK). If you’re freaking out, sorry about that.
So I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness. I’ve written about it before here and here. I haven’t really counted God as one of my crew throughout my life journey and I certainly would never have written to him. I have prayed to him, but usually it was really shallow stuff asking him to make something better I didn’t like, rather than asking him to help me find a way to make things better. I don’t know why I call God a him but to me he’s a him.
Anyway, since this all began (the whole heartbreak/grief/find wholeness/healing thing) I have had to pray a few times. Once I had to pray just to get through the day and I asked him to carry me a bit. I only did that because someone told me I should. And so I did it and it helped. He carried me a bit and while he did I didn’t feel so broken or alone. Then someone told me to ask him what I needed to stop feeling so anxious and nauseated. I only did it because someone told me I should. And I got in the bath and asked and asked and he said “EAT” (big booming godlike voice inside my head) and I’m all like “Oh really???? That’s the one thing I’m not really up to right now and you want me to eat???”. So I ate. I only did it because he told me I should. And I felt better. Not right away, but after enough times of eating that my body and my soul trusted me to know I was going to do the best by her, no matter how hard that was.
And then I started this online course. Which I’ll go into another time. And one of the things I had to do was write a letter to God. Yep, I only did it because she told me to. And it was a-fucking-mazing (God swears too I discovered in the process, so I don’t even feel like apologising for that!) and I’ll tell you about that when I write the post about how I wrote to God! But I was working my way through telling people about it. I told a few of my trusted friends. I may have told a few of my clients, especially those who I know count God as part of their crew and are comfortable with that. I thought about writing about it in a deep and meaningful way. And then…
After many champagnes and a triple vodka (let’s not go into how that happened) I found myself telling the WHOLE STORY (not all that above but the actual content of the letter from God) at my friends 40th on the weekend. Not long before I slipped off a chair and got to go home in a taxi and eat vegemite toast and only recalled the conversation the next day with mortification.
My friends, I am sorry I told you a really cool and deep story when I was blind at the pub and using God’s guidance as my excuse not to go to the nightclub. I really do like dancing, but not as much as Vegemite toast when I‘ve had a triple vodka by “mistake”. At the moment I like Vegemite toast more than the option of meeting new men at nightclubs in the city and definitely more than drinking more alcohol at midnight. That may always be the case because Vegemite toast is pretty great and one of the reasons breakfast is my favourite meal. And also because God told me that he is not at the nightclub (not God, God is wherever you need him to be, but the guy, my guy, the real one. He’s not at the nightclub).
But that….that’s a whole ‘nother story about how I wrote a letter to God.