Fessing up

OK. Now I’m really going to put myself in it.

If I’m not writing then things (some things, not all things) are probably crap (although some things seem to influence all things and you can briefly think perhaps they are all crap). If I’m writing about the crap things, then I’ve got some clarity and am on the path back to a happier place, but if I’ve been silent on here for more than 48 hours, there’s not peace, harmony and happy families going down. Dumb to out myself like this, because now anyone who might like to follow my musings will presume to know when the crap-ness has descended (even a crappy word like crap doesn’t do full justice to my interpretation of crap. In my world, it’s not having the words to frame it or my self in a better way). I’m hoping it’ll motivate me to at least write some fake cheerfulness during crap times. Because that will actually help. Not the fake-ness, but the writing. And always in there is something worth writing about, that’s not always a whinge.

I don’t want to write a blog about my confusion when my guy doesn’t talk to me, or about how I get anxious when there’s something big coming up and I haven’t found the right amount of faith yet that it will all come together (and of course it never comes together until you’ve found the right amount of faith, so you think I would be better at finding it sooner, but there’s always something else I have to get out of the way first), or about the Facebook fight about the thing I think is the most amazing thing in the world that someone else doesn’t and how even though I kept out of it, somehow I ended up right in it in my mind. I don’t want to write about how much I want my biggest girl home so I can see her face every day, and how I don’t want her and her dad to fight. I don’t want to write about how I can’t find my mojo to write when things are crap, when writing is the thing that would FIX ME RIGHT UP!

So I’m not going to write about that, and then I ran out of things to write about. Well not really. I have a list of topics to write about when I can’t write about de-nitting kids anymore. Actually nits should be one of my categories and then all the posts that contain the word nit could all be linked together. The list is awesome, but it doesn’t always seem to be the thing to write about.

So here it is. The nearly end of today. The little two are on the “jumpoline” with babies and princess dresses. Our au pairand Miss Blonde 10 are at the shops preparing for the birthday party bonanza this weekend for Miss nearly 3 and Miss nearly 12. My guy is still at work and the dog is barking randomly down the street. We’re having beef and vege stir fry for dinner. The virtue of the week is “thankfulness”.

And me? I’m writing about not writing and that’s perfect for today.