Sorry, I’ve been such a neglectful bitch.
I guess it’s that thing where you get happy and busy in life and all the things you’d write about or whinge about don’t seem as important. Maybe?
Plus, I have another blog so I’ve been doing all my writing over there, and it requires me to be elevated and write about important things and not sweat or whinge (too much) and the real-life version hasn’t been happening. Which is OK. I’ve written good stuff over there too.
What I’ve wanted to say hasn’t been that elevated. Things have changed a lot in a year of blending a family and now on this side of it (just a year later, not some highly elevated “we’ve totally got this thing nailed place”) there’s heaps I wish I had written about, but couldn’t find the space. Or the time. Or the graciousness not to be a complete vicious bitch as I was sucked down the plughole of trying not to get sucked down the plughole. My sanity in all of that was my purpose work. And working with other incredible people in their purpose work. I can always show up for them, so I just did. And we made it.
I also know that many people who read this know who I am, and so some of things I’ve wanted to say has way too much context and identifying information. My ex-husband now has Facebook (and actually things are pretty fine with him, so there’s no reason to worry about that, but even him getting Facebook was amusing to me and I wanted to say some stuff about that, but I’m aware of the reach of social media and never want to unintentionally hurt someone through my words). People are more interested in me (not that I’m famous by any stretch of the imagination, but just that the more I put out there the more people are interested). Mostly I think people’s intention and interest is good, but I suspect my personality type loves to focus on the light and the good and virtues in people and sometimes misses the gossipy, mean, judgmental side of stuff.
I’m not worried about what people think of me EXCEPT in the part where what I say might be construed as being mean, gossipy or judgemental about someone else.
So I’ve refrained from writing about my struggles with step-children, my own children, head to heads with my guy, the fact that the mother of the children we care for most of the time does not speak to me, changes in support systems, trying to write a book and not, my oldest daughter living far away, my dog-guilt about not being confident in taking the white dog for walk and the black dog missing out, friendships, our home, the time I Face-stalked the Swedish au pairs PT page, being my Mum’s IT expert and all the things that aren’t about work. I mean I have written about them all somewhat. In Instagram posts or on Facebook with photos. Sometimes woven through the blogs about work – because they are so woven together there’s no separate. But the bigger stories aren’t being written, and I’m sorry about that. Because even though sometimes when I wrote them I instantly wanted to unwrite them, later they were so useful and helpful to someone else. And to me.
I’ve been sharing some stuff from here over there and discovered that heaps of the stuff I’m sharing was written in 2015! What the MOFOing F? This is because I think that the blog I wanted to write about 2016 was going to be called – 2016 you Sucked Big Peen – and it seemed too negative (it was. The whole year didn’t suck, but it did gurgle down the plughole A LOT). Or I did think Two Oh One Six You Sucked Dicks as another option along the same theme. Sorry. Obviously my writing talent and skills were lost. Lost.
So I’ll start again. Somehow.
Maybe you could let me know if you’d be interested in that?? And if you are what you’d like to hear about? I can’t promise I’ll write it, but I might. Especially if you ask.
