Halloween was fun. I particularly enjoyed dressing up, and the kids freaking out because I think they thought I was in the bathroom making myself beautiful, especially after repeated comings in and checking out my champagne bridal dress, and noticing I was putting on makeup (they just didn’t realise it was baby powder and fake blood).
The cool bit was that I got to wear my real, actual wedding dress from 2006 and it still fitted, and looked beautiful (which for a $500 dress I was pretty happy that classic lived on). And although perhaps I should have felt some nostalgia about the dress, or my wedding or all those things, at the start of the month in which my divorce in finalised, I feel OK. No, actually I feel good. As though that part of my journey can be honoured for what it was, and accepted for what it wasn’t and then just…let go.
My wedding was a great, fun party. So many of my friends and family (like 120 or so) came to celebrate and party too. The band that played that night, Blue Shaddy, were the bomb! There are three beautiful girls in my world that shine out the best of that relationship. I learnt what I wanted and what I didn’t, and how to treat people and how knowing yourself is the start to a healthy relationship. I learnt that love can be complicated and made up of so many other things, that sometimes love has many definitions and just love is not the essence of what longevity in marriage is all about – but healthy doses of mutual respect, and admiration and friendship and common interests and dreams help too. I learnt how to be a great relationship coach, based on real life experience. Thank you for that my marriage.
Whatever it was, it is now something completely different and most of time I accept my (soon to be) ex-husband for who he is. I never did that in our marriage. Outside of our marriage I let go of the expectations I had of him, which regardless of whether they were fair or not, didn’t work. Outside of our marriage I’m kinder to him, respect him as a Dad (even though he does it differently to me) and let things be. The part in it all that was mine, I can take responsibility for, and the time I once regretted (spending too long at BBQ’s whinging about my husband) I now chalk up to learning the value of expressing what you feel and what you need as a woman. To the person you need it from, not to their detriment to everyone else.
And thank you too all my beautiful friends and family who loved and accepted all it was and all it wasn’t, and helped me out during the crappy stuff, and gave me an ear or a bedroom or a cup a tea when I didn’t know what to do next, and who are still in my life loving and supporting me and us. I know you know who you are.
Happy Halloween. The zombie bride moves on.