Had a low mojo moment last week. Had all the good intentions, but by the end of the day, when the girls were in bed, and the general daily routine all done, and the space for writing opened up, I had no mojo for filling the writing space with anything other than lying on the couch with my man while he did his flick through the channels thing, trying to torture me by stopping on the live psychic show or the infomercials. He seems to find that amusing.
Sometimes I think in the midst of it all, stopping for bit and relaxing is a good thing, but when my mojo is lost it doesn’t seem to come back simply, it finds a thousand other things to hide behind. I’ve been told recently that I’m not very good at relaxing, which is probably true, because I can do it (i.e. on the surface it appears that I am doing nothing), but whilst the inaction might look like relaxing, the internal story is much different and I’m not at all relaxed. Lying on the couch with my man is filled with a mindful of a million things I should/could/ought to be doing instead, and so while I lie there and he tortures me, he doesn’t actually want me to go away, but for the most part I’m not entirely there anyway. Sometimes he even tackles me so I’ll stay – and the difference in our brain wiring becomes even more obvious, because he CAN NOT understand what it is I think I should be doing instead of flicking through the channels with him.
Earlier in my life, I always admired people who get bored, because even if I stopped there was always something I could find to do. At this moment, this point in time, there are SO many things I could do with each spare minute (instead of listening to Marvin predict a prosperous future for the lonely lady from Melbourne) – like writing, or mastering my speaking parts for the upcoming seminar, or doing craft with the girls, or doing some yoga or reading one of the 14 half-read inspirational books I have on my Kindle – but instead I lie with my man while he headlocks me affectionately and laughs at my distress about wanting to get up. And what I want in somewhere in between, because I don’t want to miss those moments with him, where he’s relaxed and “showing me his affections” and where I feel the excitement of the things I could be doing, and they are getting done too.
Mojo sometimes slips down the crack in the couch, so you have to lie there for a while so it can seep back in. I think my guy worked this out years ago, I’m just learning that losing your mojo can make you relax, so you can find the space and time and peace to light your fire.