Vomitting all the way down

I worked out this amazing thing this week and I was going to write about it, but on reflection, I am thinking that it is a thing I will teach people. I’d need to see you, somehow. Or you’d need to see me, somehow. We wouldn’t have to be in the same room but I’d have to be showing you this thing with my hands and drawing and talking and folding and unfolding all the things it’s made of. So I’m not going to write it, because it’s not something that can just be words. Even though words can be amazing in themselves, and can move you, this explanation needs actual movement. The tone of my voice, the way my hands move (flapping, they need to be flapping) and the glorious unfolding of the whole thing. I’m not sure if it’s possible. Bit I definitely know it’s not impossible.

Here’s the thing. Everybody is the same. Not exactly the same in everything, but all the people I talk to and work with, have a certain mix of hopes and fears all mixed up together. And when it’s all mixed up together they can’t find a way to put the fear aside and get the hopes out and make them more solid than dreams. Sometimes they think they don’t know how, or they’ll suck at it, or that it’s not possible right now to do it. They bury hopes in surviving. Getting through most days. Sometimes in a pretty nice and OK kind of way. But the thing that brings them to me is not so I’ll tell them to keep getting through each day in a nice and OK way. I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to say that’s the best next step. Nice and OK is nice and OK. Don’t get me wrong. But nice and OK isn’t always enough. It wasn’t enough for me. I had this feeling about the missing. And mostly missing something in me. A hole. And not a holy one. A missing bit that needed filling, by something that actually was always part of me. Not something new. Not someone else. But finding the bit that was lost. Buried. Hidden.

And that bit? That is purpose. And whatever it is for you, it needs to come out. It’s not meant to be a secret. Or a buried treasure. Or dissatisfaction at the end of a big day. It’s not meant to be that. It’s meant to be the thing that feels like being alive. That makes you want to vomit with fear and excitement. And then makes everything bright and real and true. And if it doesn’t feel so scary, or impossible or big or overwhelming, it’s possible it’s not the thing. If it feels like it could be nice and OK, it probably already is, and if nice and OK is good for you, then that is super OK with me. I just don’t think you would read this if it was. I just don’t think you would ask me to call you if it was. Because at some point when we are talking I will ask you if you want more and if it’s time and as scary as it might be to say YES, that is only answer that will change how any of that is for you. We humans are funny creatures, and often we have to have had enough (so, so much enough) of something before we let it be time to move. Some of us move towards more just because, but most of us (me included) wait until we cannot stay in it anymore, and there is so much about it that is not nice and not OK that it’s time. It’s time. And if you want you can wait another couple of months, or years or even decades.

Or you can take that one step which drops you off the edge, and you can vomit all the way down. That would be a leap of faith. And I can promise you that what you want is just that one step away. Even if at first you have to clean up the vomit. Because after that?

PS Are you ready for things to be different? What would have to happen for you to really happen? Want to find out? Pop your details in here and we can chat…