Keeping the dream alive

To have a dream you first have to dream it. Dreaming your dreams takes space. I’ve talked on and on about having enough space for all the things – graciousness, creativity, breathing, being – and dreams are made from all these things. The recipe for dreaming is much the same but dreams are unique and wonderful and sometimes entirely clear and specific and other times more a sense or a feeling that doesn’t come clear until it’s realised and then you’re like “OMG I could only have dreamed about this”. And you must have, one time, dreamt it so then it could come to life.

I dream constantly of being able to write for no reason. To be a writer. I picture what that looks like and imagine a day filled with writing without pressure and space to do that, and time and everything in place for that and then somehow, I do everything but write. Is this a thing for all writers? Am I lacking discipline? Or commitment? Somehow writing feels like the creative process and thus should be the result of some kind of freedom, but if I get too loose plenty happens but not that. The other week, in my women’s circle, we were talking about dreams and mine was exactly this. In my beautiful, light-filled studio/house in the quiet mostly writing. I had a housekeeper who came every week day for two hours after the kids went to school to do the things like washing, tidying, putting shopping away, meal prep so that I was completely BANNED from doing this. I know it seems ridiculous, but I need banning from anything else. A person who sees me wandering out to the kitchen to just clear the bench and gives me “the look” so I go away again. Are there people like this? Is it just me who can’t value the writing if it’s “for no reason”?

Someone close to me who’s been following her dream for a while now, whilst simultaneously helping with mine, has just had her dream exploded beyond what she thought she’d dreamed (in a good way). When she told me, I knew (because ‘knowing’ things is just this thing I do) that this is where it’s been heading all along, and also that this is not the end of or the full realisation of her dream (if she’s reading this I hope this does not scare her!). I also knew that her time of helping me with mine is over and it’s time for me to find the next iteration of people who are part of the team required for big dreams (actually, for all dreams but I think all dreams are actually BIG. In a magnificenty kind of way). Someone told me I need a Business Manager. And I said, would that person manage me?? And they said YES. That person would manage me as the creative or the talent and tell me what was required from me and by when. And they would also be doing some of the things that I need not be doing (things that are not writing/speaking/creating). Are there people like this? I would love someone to be this for me.

And then I wonder if other people feel like they need this? And is this all just another iteration of the being so busy, I must do everything and do it all well and never struggle pattern? And this has stopped me from actually being able to identify what it is that I need to fully realise my own potential?

I mean, we all know when we’re not hitting potential right? And I don’t mean clean house/tidy hair/well put together outfit, clean and happy kids, nice dinner potential. I over deliver on that potential all the time. Last week it was busy, I’d been a seeding widow for maybe two weeks (my apologies to the women who are true seasonal widows for 6-8 weeks a number of times a year, but my husband had been off early/home late, dirty and tired for two weeks and I was ratty) and I said we were having ‘breakfast for dinner’. Then I made American pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs. I may as well have made a lasagne. It was just as messy, used as many pots AND not one of the children ate a pancake with their dinner as they all said it was “weird” and pancakes were for breakfast. If you’re serious about breakfast for dinner it just should be cereal. This is standard level delivery. I digress.

We all know when we’re not hitting potential right? And in which area. Coaching has been getting all my potential (and I love it, and I’m good at it). Creating has not (and I love it, and I’m good at it). And so the balance conundrum smacks me in the face again – how can I do both and be deeply satisfied, and raise our family and work well in a team with my husband and be prepared to do whatever it takes to get to the next level of the dream because it’s coming anyway. Mostly I’ve been doing relationship coaching because this is what arose in the space for coaching and it just ‘came to me’. I trust in that, in things that are not forced or hard. But I must also be very cautious that I am not tricked by the part of me that likes to be busy and important to other people to commit all of my time to coaching because then all of the energy and all of the magic flows out and when there is some time and space to create I just need a moment to gather myself back up and then it’s 3pm and there are kids and gym runs, and meals and the never-ending washing. Even on the days I don’t come out until 5.30pm (usually only because I’m coaching, not because I’m writing) and the kids are sorted and the lunches are made, and my husband is home the deep satisfaction that I have communicated all the things that I needed to is not there. The message has not been written. And if I haven’t written it, the next day it is gone.

If you suspect you have a dream, I am the person to help you get that out. We do that together. We figure out all the things that must stop so you can realise the dream (at least the first iteration) and then craft the dream team to help it happen. I will constantly and clearly remind you when you have gone off track and support you in building the foundations. My job is to help you create space and time, find graciousness, tap into your creativity, breathe more, trust more and be more. You should know though that I am on the journey too. I dream constantly of being able to write for no reason. To be a writer. Of what I do not know, but when I sit down to write I comes out. For no reason.